As I mentioned in Blogmas #2, I went through a period in my early twenties where I absolutely hated Christmas. I got completely overwhelmed by the horrible pressure to spend lots of money on unnecessary things and act happy when I didn't feel it. I felt very alone in hating this time of year, when everyone else I knew seemed to love it and look forward to it.
When the opportunity came up to work over Christmas one particular year, I jumped at it. I should mention that at this point I was living in Salzburg and both my parents still lived in the UK with our dog. I had never been away from home for Christmas before, and as I lived by myself, the thought of being able to do whatever I wanted for Christmas seemed amazing.
I knew Salzburg would be quite empty as, of course, all of my friends were going home to their families and Salzburg is a pretty small, low key kind of city anyway - there's never very much going on there! But instead of dreading this, I was looking forward to some peaceful bliss, away from any Christmas chaos. I was a little worried about feeling a bit 'left out' of things on Christmas Day itself, but otherwise I knew I would be fine. Besides, I was working until about the 23rd, I had a concert on the 25th, and then rehearsals for the New Years concerts started on the 27th, so really, there wasn't much of a holiday there anyway. More than anything, I was going to be earning a substantial amount of money which, as I put it to my parents when I announced I wasn't coming home for Christmas, I couldn't really turn down.
I guess the first thing that tainted my Christmas in solitude was that the concert on the 25th got cancelled last minute. OK, I was now free on Christmas Day, with nobody to meet up with, no one to talk to, nothing to do. I made a plan to keep myself ultra busy. I had pre-planned all the food that I wanted to cook, decided what music I would listen to, where I would go for my family's annual Christmas Day walk (by myself). I even planned to Skype with my parents (and dog) so that we could open our Christmas presents together, virtually!
There was nothing disastrous about my lonesome Christmas. There was a bad moment when I burned myself with the water from the boiling potatoes, but otherwise nothing went wrong, it was just a bit...miserable. I did my concerts which I didn't enjoy at all, I earned my money, but after that Christmas I told myself that I would never spend Christmas alone again.
Even if you hate Christmas and you fight with your family - I would prefer to deal with all of that than to feel lonely. I'm not saying Christmas by yourself can't work. It definitely can for some people and it can be glorious. But that year I learnt something about myself, which is that being around people at this time of year is always preferable to being alone. And the thing is, I remember the experience of spending that Christmas alone much more than the money that I earned in doing so, or what I spent that money on.
So if you are planning to spend Christmas alone and you are not absolutely 100% sure about it, I would urge you to really think about it. If you can make a plan for yourself so that you know you will have a really great time by yourself and you won't miss anything, then do it! But if you're not sure, look around - there will always be someone else to spend Christmas with, and even if you don't love that person or you're fed up with Christmas traditions, weigh that up against the cost of being lonely and see which one comes out on top.
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