On this beautiful Monday morning, I am sitting with my coffee and reflecting on my weekend. On Saturday we hosted a party at our house, officially to celebrate American Independence Day (although, any excuse to get together with friends and eat and drink...), and overall I would say it was a lovely party! We had mojitos going round, lots of conversation, a cool and mixed bunch of people and some fun games... but I also noticed a few bad behavioural points going on too. It got me thinking about what is appropriate behaviour for a party, things that you just shouldn't do or say, and I thought I would make a note of them here. I know it might be controversial and different for everyone, but this is what I have taken away from my party - these are the things that I think one should NOT do at a party.
1. Come in a bad mood or feeling unwell
I totally get that there are times when you just don't feel great, either in health, perhaps feeling anti-social or you might just be having a bad day. I know that for some, getting out of the house and spending time with people can be the best cure, and if you are someone that is able to join a party and put all of your personal stress out of your mind for the evening then great! But please don't go to a party only to spend the entire evening sulking, not joining in, and in a bad mood with everyone. It would be far better to just admit this isn't for you right now and come back next time - there will always be another party!
2. Criticise your host's home
When you host a party in your own home, it can be quite invasive. You have to put in a lot of preparation, cleaning your place, getting everything looking good, and you have to expect that it's going to be full of people; it's going to get dirty, things might get broken, there will be a huge mess to clean up afterwards. Therefore, it's very nice when your friends compliment you on your home and NOT point out things that they don't like about it. If you don't like what your friend has done with their place, well, it just doesn't matter because you don't have to live there!
3. Make others uncomfortable
This is perhaps the biggest section here, it's quite a large umbrella that covers a lot of ways of behaving badly at parties. Whether it's that you become far to drunk and start mouthing off obscenities, put forward your extremely strong political views, force others to drink something they don't want, generally take over the whole situation, these are all things that definitely make others uncomfortable and should NOT be done at a party. It is inappropriate, not the time for this kind of behaviour, and ruins everyone else's fun.
4. Make fun of those not drinking
This could come under the previous heading too. At our party there were three of our friends there who, for whatever reason, were not drinking alcohol. It was absolutely fine - they had brought their own nice drinks, they were still totally involved in the conversation and had a lot of fun - there is no reason at all to make fun of people who don't choose to drink! It's a personal choice, doesn't affect you at all, and only makes them uncomfortable.
5. Exclude
Quite a tricky one. I love that in our social circles, there are people from all different backgrounds and cultures. When I host a party, or attend a party, I love to get to know new people and if they come from a part of the world that I don't know much about then that's super! It makes the party so much more interesting. It is absolutely NOT OK to exclude people, maybe because there is a culture or language divide between you, it is NOT OK to make people feel unwelcome, and it is NOT OK to point out and make fun of the differences between people. My house is open, and if you are that closed-minded you are not welcome.
6. Shamelessly hit on people
I don't want to gender stereotype here, but I can at least talk from my own experience! It has happened all to often that focus and pressure gets directed at women, who seem to constantly get unwanted attention coming at them from all sides. I know it can happen the other way too of course, and I want to say that this behaviour is not attractive, will not get you anywhere, and it is inappropriate. If someone makes it clear that they are not interested, leave them alone! You might think you are flattering them, but honestly, all those comments about how they look and how beautiful they are, only makes them feel gross.
7. Start dishing out life advice
There are times when friends get together and talk about their problems and give each other advice. But, at a party, under the influence of alcohol, it is never a good idea to start broadcasting your views on how your friend is living their life, and telling them how to do it better. This is a private conversation, and totally not acceptable at a party.
8. Private talks with your host
Together with the previous point, a party is not the time to take your host aside for a one to one. Difficult and private conversations should happen when it is good for both people, and a party is not that time. Also, if you want to ask your host for something, choose the right time! A party is NOT the occasion to ask your host to borrow some money to help you out, or do you some other big favour.
9. Constantly check your phone
I know I know, phones have become totally essential to our lives, an extra part of our body, rarely to be seen out of our hands - I can attest to this! And at a party you may need it, for whatever reason. But generally, there is a time to put the phone away, and if you have made the effort to come to a party and spend time with people, then you should do just that. You may not realise that it is actually very hard to start a conversation with someone who is engrossed in their phone, and it is difficult for you to finally join in conversations when you have been in a different virtual world for the last half hour.
10. Outstay your welcome
For most people, the point at which to leave a party is pretty clear; maybe you have to get home, you might need to make the last bus or you might just leave at the point in which most people do tend to leave together. But there are always a few stragglers who want to keep drinking and having fun, and I enjoy this too - that moment when it all becomes quiet and more intimate with a much smaller group of people. But I think it is important to be respectful to the host. Last Saturday we were practically falling asleep, and actually had to point out to the last couple of people there that the sun was already up, to give them the hint that it was time to leave. It doesn't make the host feel good to have to turn people away and is just much better if people realise by themselves that it's time to go.
I hope that this post hasn't left a horrible, negative mood...! As always, it helps me to write my feelings down, it's almost therapeutic so that I can let go of them. Again, I wanted to say that my party on Saturday was a great time, and I will always be happy to host another one - maybe these points just inevitably come up when you are a host. But behaviour at a party is important and definitely something to think about!Labels: Life, Thoughts